Brace yourselves… here comes more oral DIARRHEA!
Hahaha- I amuse myself sometimes, it’s a sickness- I promise it’ll be okay in the end- if you can hang in, and you actually read this shit!
It has been a long few fucking weeks ( watch out kids- there is ADULT language in this post ) Just about a week ago, for some reason I couldn’t find my dumping ground for my thoughts- yes this BLOG, so I started a new one, please disregard that post- i’ll just have to find it later and add it. So back to my original thought, STRESS. That is such an ugly word, it really should be removed from my space, however, I can’t hold my breath on that idea, or I’ll turn blue and DIE. ( Soo something my mom said to me a lot a child, and now I know why )
Adulting SUCKS, why couldn’t someone have really TOLD me that when I was younger and STUPIDER?! I am not specifically complaining,just putting it out to the universe. When you’re say 17 and idiotic ( oh yes, YES I was ) and you’re just getting out in the “real” world, getting done with the high school bullshit, and even possibly WORKING you feel like you’ve got it all figured out…then REALITY chimes in and tells you otherwise, bitches! I am fully aware that not every 17 yr old kid is a shitiot ( #mynewword ) and some of them actually function like pre-adults, that make smart choices, and aren’t completely fiscally irresponsible- I wasn’t one of those. I have my moments, believe-you-me, that I wish I could go back in time and SMACK my shitiot self, and tell myself “hey bitch- get with it and GET IT TOGETHER! ” However, REALITY ( yes, that big scary ADULT word again.. ) is that it won’t happen, we just have to learn and grow, and pray we don’t forget along the way. ( HAHAH- so much EASIER to say, then to do sometimes )
Stay with me folks, I know that I am random, and I get lost on tangents when I am trying to make a point, or release the pent up shit bumping around my brain. What was I talking about again…. OH YES! STRESS, and being an adult. Fuck all of that shit with a broken beam hahah ( bad bad bad words again ) Well, seriously though, bring an adult does have perks, we are allowed to buy alcoholic beverages, and we can gamble too ( Vices… all of them! ) It also brings a sense of accomplishment, we SURVIVED being asshole teenagers, made some EPIC mistakes, and learned how to navigate. I am not saying that I always function like an adult, I still make mistakes ( even EPIC ones ) and I navigate and try to take things one step at a time… SOMETIMES… ( Just ask husband… he’ll tell you… one day at a time… SHUURE ) Oh well, at the end of the day I can still laugh at myself.. if the mood is right.
What the hell was I talking about again?
Been a while since I dumped my thoughts onto everyone- and boy do I have some gems! LOL
Husband is a crack pot-he says the strangest things sometimes- and other times it makes me laugh so hard I cry! Been kinda busy the last few weeks ( yay for things to do! ) Seen a few good live shows, had some good food, and some good times with friends that I don’t see nearly often enough. I even got to dip my toes into the ocean.. ahh nothing like a good soul healing and some mild fair weather with sunshine.
Why is it that I have so many stupid things to post about, and when I finally get off my ass, I can’t remember a damn thing?! Does anyone else have this trouble (.. yeah.. I am asking myself too )
So I love me some Kevin Smith- and in the last month or so we’ve seen him TWICE! I even got a photo op with Jason Mewes ( toot! ) Wasn’t Mr. Smith.. at least not yet, but I am determined one day! ( NOT a creepy stalker thing either- fuck- he’s just a person too ) First show was Jay and Silent Bob get old- that was a HOOT- I think the sign language translator stole the show- cause really.. that was HILARIOUS! This last weekend- we went to San Jose and just saw the Q and A with Mr. Smith- fuck that shit went late. WE stood in line for what felt like an eternity- and then we finally go to settle in and have a few drinks and listen to the man go on. He sure can talk… ( hahah!! So can I … ) We got out around 2 am, and then went back to our hotel spot and went to bed- sleep is my friend.
Ugh- I hate being stuck at work- I have more time on my hands than I should, and it’s stupid. I think I am just complaining b/c I am vastly under stimulated. Being efficient has so many benefits- sometimes draw-backs too though- fuck it’ I am just all over the place today!
To be continued..
It’s been forever since I un-loaded my thoughts into the vast expanse of the inter-google universe- so here we go….
Today I feel like shit. No more- no less- My body is a ticking time bomb of misery and today it’s acting up worse than a 2 year old having a tantrum ( actually- this past week or so it’s been like this- i’m just grumpy today )
Ok- really- when am I not grumpy? That’s a good question- one of which I do not have the answer to- I am sure someone close to me probably wouldn’t have a good answer for that either- how sad is that? I ache too- so that extra sucks ass. Only on the right side of my body- upper half- it’s stupid. Yes- I said I was grumpy today- sorry folks- I am sure whomever might read this – will probably want to poke their eyes out when they are finished.. BLEH!
I’ve had a rough couple of weeks now that I am really thinking about it- Stupid headaches and body that doesn’t want to work right. HORMONES are the root cause- and none of my doctors can seem to figure out the issues. December was a weird one- I was 18 + day late ( NEVER has this happened ever ) Body thought it might have a baby inside- but it was just terribly CONFUSED.. end result- lots of grouchiness and discomfort.
On the upside- I don’t feel like a good year blimp today- bloating is awful- and it shouldn’t happen. I’ve worked SO hard to lose the 50+ lbs that I did- and I feel like I am backsliding- I know that I have gained a few lbs back- some days it feels like ALL of that has come back plus a few- and it’s not nice. ( I am REALLY complain-y today- told ya it’s been a while )
I think I am hungry too- so I suppose I should find something to eat- I keep looking for something- and can’t quite put my taste-buds on it.. Don’t you hate it when that happens?
Ok.. enough randomness- im off to find a snack!
Recovery from surgery is a real bitch!
Today has been one of those long- lost kind of days. I went to bed and woke up with a migraine- and if you person reading this has ever really had one of those- then you understand. When you feel like someone has your brain in a vice grip- and they keep turning the crank to squeeze harder- and you feel like you’re losing your mind- because you’re lost in the “fog” so to speak- it can become more than difficult to communicate.
This is combined with having had a pretty major surgical procedure just a few short weeks before. MY body has about had it- I am dealing with some weird infection in the belly button port ( as they call it ) and my insides are angry too. It’s been a month- technically- and I am still hurting- I have to stop and tell myself- aloud even- that they were in there for a LONG time- they removed a major part of your body and they poked and prodded and messed about inside. This combined with the fact that my hormones have figured out that there are less of them to go around- and the cycle started and caused the big bad head pain. The “cycle” or monthly gift- as some of us refer to it- can go back to sender! This has been by far one of the worst in a while- and that’s to be expected- due to the removal of parts- and no cycle to speak of last month because things got moofed up.
I so desperately want to feel like a normal human being who does nothing but work all the time ( ok- maybe not ALL the time people ) but that’s what my normal is. I live at the office- the previous two and half weeks I have more or less been home- and doing the recovery thing- but it’s not enough. Not when I have a boss who doesn’t get it, and who worse yet DOESN’T want to! He’s a MAN! I don’t necessarily want to share the gory details- but come on- he has REALLY done nothing but push push push- which is his normal. He’s never going to get what goes on when I get a headache- he will NEVER get that I have NO control over the situation and that makes things ever more difficult for me.
I know that work depends on me ( well- the BOSS ) I obviously depend on working myself- but I have put myself out there during this process- when I shouldn’t have- B/C I can’t stand the bitching. He take’s VERY little responsibility for the things that happen outside of “tech” work- it’s his damn company- He should now how to do basic things- like maintain the database- send out a bill- order a supply- frack!
I am exhausted, emotional, drained and torn. I have so much pressure on me at times I just don’t know how to process- one step, one day, on breath at a time.
So it’s now been 11 whole days since I had surgery-
My big ugly bruise around my belly button area has almost re-absorbed and gone away- but the swelling is back in the area and it hurts. I can already hear my Dr. yelling at me… ” You need to take it EASY- not supposed to be up and doing things such as vacuuming or using heavy equipment! ” I know this to be true- but somehow you just can’t stop a pissed off woman who needs shit to get done because her USELESS husband doesn’t pay attention- or listen! ( That’s right Jason- I called you useless 😛 )
So the A/C unit decided to flood the closet that is located next to where it’s housed- and it was SOAKED- we have a carpet cleaning machine- and a small spot cleaner unit that is loud as fuck- so naturally the husband uses the little one first- and then bitches that it’s too small and noisy ( I agree- it’s for SMALL areas! ) So he decided he’s done- and goes back to his video games- and I was yelling to him ( not 10 ft away ) and he ignores me or just doesn’t hear me- either way it made me angry.
I got into the closet in the bedroom- i moved heavy shit out of the way, then I dragged the even heavier unit out and turned it on and he STILL sat there- not giving it a second thought! WTF- WAKE UP- I really did a number on myself- and today I am paying for it. I have swelling that was finally going away- and it’s back with a vengeance- not the way that I wanted to rest of my “weekend” to go- so it adds to the days I will continue to have to stay home- oh well.
I have been on the emotional roller coaster for the last few days- I know- pretty typical for a female- fair enough- however it’s like 10000% more intense- the internal struggle is strong in this one- I am up, down and all around. I’m tired of sitting- but walking for more than an hour at a time wipes me out- I am hungry, happy,sad, mad, hysterical, moody..just loads of fun. I sometimes wonder when someone decided that us women are the weaker sex? WE do so much, so often- I know that I more handy than my counterpart- it’s just a fact. (Now do go thinking I am a man-hater- quite the opposite- I love my husband- i’m just irritated with his ass) Anyway- just needed to get that off my chest for the moment- MEN are useless sometimes- and selfish.. oh well!
I am woman Hear me roar!